An Ode to Jerks
Disclaimer: This blog entry is not meant to be read by females or by guys with feminine sensibilities. Please read at your own peril
This one is for all you jerks out there whom i have met and been with in school, college and professional life. This is my humble tribute to all you guys.......
The fundamental trait which i think defines any jerk is the ability to infuse pervertness in any simple situation in life.
Just the look on their face when they see a girl is a give away. They look at girls' legs as they are chicken legs to smother, they monitor the gait of any girl as they walk, oohs and aahs and whistles flow involunatarily from their lips, they elbow their friends and say "Dekh Maal jaa raha hai". With any girl in viewing vicinity they will scan them top to bottom, front to back and then in reverse back to front, bottom to top and then with a twisted lip give a smile as if they are the cool dude arnd and with their stare only they have won the girls' heart
And mind you they dont call them "girls", thats too simple, there is a huge vocab around it and the distinct diction with which the word is thrown at you conveys the hotness of the girl . For instance --> "Kyaaaaaaaa Maal thaaa be" or "Bomb Pataka Cheez hai" or "Item thee baap" or "Tabhayee thee bhai" and on and on. Also everything is a maal like gora maal, sanwla maal, chota maal, mota maal, bomb maal, dhamaal maal and so on
These jerks are always shrewd and smart. While travelling by train they will scan the reservation charts of how many females are travelling in their coupe and their age so they can plan their moves, in the boarding queue for airplanes they will jump people to see if there is any chance to be seated next to a single girl. The jerks are very helpful by nature also, they will ensure that if your school/college is over they will follow you till home to ensure your safety, if you wave to stop an auto they will stop their bike and ask you "Chodh de ghar " (Shall leave you home?) and they will be persistent till you insist on calling cops
Pastime of these jerks are also very constructive, In movies their core area is porn in literature penthouse is their favorite series, magazine playboy and debonair are really informative according to them.
Even when they watch TV they watch it for the girls. I dont know why all female contestants in those reality shows like indian idol loose with a billion jerks rooting for them, probably the jerks dont care to SMS. But yeah dont mess with a jerk when it comes to his knowledge about porn n stuff, he is "educated" period
However all said and done i have noticed one thing that their is a jerk in every single male that exists, so if you girls out there think that my father, my brother, my boy friend, my husband is not a jerk ..... take a step back fundamentally all of us guys are jerks on some level and that is what keeps us going ... and when these jerks find someone to tame them then only they change ....
So this one is for all you jerks out their waiting for someone to change you ...
This one is for all you jerks out there whom i have met and been with in school, college and professional life. This is my humble tribute to all you guys.......
The fundamental trait which i think defines any jerk is the ability to infuse pervertness in any simple situation in life.
Just the look on their face when they see a girl is a give away. They look at girls' legs as they are chicken legs to smother, they monitor the gait of any girl as they walk, oohs and aahs and whistles flow involunatarily from their lips, they elbow their friends and say "Dekh Maal jaa raha hai". With any girl in viewing vicinity they will scan them top to bottom, front to back and then in reverse back to front, bottom to top and then with a twisted lip give a smile as if they are the cool dude arnd and with their stare only they have won the girls' heart
And mind you they dont call them "girls", thats too simple, there is a huge vocab around it and the distinct diction with which the word is thrown at you conveys the hotness of the girl . For instance --> "Kyaaaaaaaa Maal thaaa be" or "Bomb Pataka Cheez hai" or "Item thee baap" or "Tabhayee thee bhai" and on and on. Also everything is a maal like gora maal, sanwla maal, chota maal, mota maal, bomb maal, dhamaal maal and so on
These jerks are always shrewd and smart. While travelling by train they will scan the reservation charts of how many females are travelling in their coupe and their age so they can plan their moves, in the boarding queue for airplanes they will jump people to see if there is any chance to be seated next to a single girl. The jerks are very helpful by nature also, they will ensure that if your school/college is over they will follow you till home to ensure your safety, if you wave to stop an auto they will stop their bike and ask you "Chodh de ghar " (Shall leave you home?) and they will be persistent till you insist on calling cops
Pastime of these jerks are also very constructive, In movies their core area is porn in literature penthouse is their favorite series, magazine playboy and debonair are really informative according to them.
Even when they watch TV they watch it for the girls. I dont know why all female contestants in those reality shows like indian idol loose with a billion jerks rooting for them, probably the jerks dont care to SMS. But yeah dont mess with a jerk when it comes to his knowledge about porn n stuff, he is "educated" period
However all said and done i have noticed one thing that their is a jerk in every single male that exists, so if you girls out there think that my father, my brother, my boy friend, my husband is not a jerk ..... take a step back fundamentally all of us guys are jerks on some level and that is what keeps us going ... and when these jerks find someone to tame them then only they change ....
So this one is for all you jerks out their waiting for someone to change you ...
posted by reshu at 6:28 PM
7 Comments:
So true bro!!!
Zindagi ka yathaarth yahi hai......
very true....gud observation..boys will be boys :)
Nice and Enjoyable Post Man...
Hats off to you....the delicate way in which you have pointed out the "social service" that we "jerks" have been doing for years is commendable. Its high time that our efforts for this noble cause get some recognition.
Both of us have atleast 15 years of "delivery" experience in this "non-profit" field (the only profit or returns we ever extracted were those occasional "get lost you filthy animal, you suck" look, that delighted us to the core of our hearts and gave us peace on spiritual level). Other than the occasional aforesaid triumphs, we never got any rewards for our continued dilligent efforts in this field.
People like us, and write-ups like these can only convince people and governments to recognize this field as a full time occupation (on global level) so that the future jerks of the soil can easily make their living in this field.....
Thanks again for your efforts to unite us jerks on global level with your write-up.
We wont stop until we capture every single post (read nukkads, pan-shops, chai-shops, public places, malls, theaters etc.) in this War. The war for liberation of Jerks.
In recognition of this effort, I confer on you, the highest medal of appreciation in our field, "Param Veer Jerk". And I hereby promote you to the rank of an "Air Marshal" in our Allied Jerk Forces (Marshaling the "Maals" from Air and Providing support to our Ground Forces).
In The Name Of Brotherhood
Signed By A Proud Jerk
Rahul
(Jerk Till I Die)
very jerkial i mean jovial!!!!!!!Long Live J E R K S...
One of the best posts I have read. Enjoyed every bit of it!
Hi Reshu-
Well here I am @very first comment on your blog. Yet to do a thorough read, but did a random scan.
You forgot to add another term used by jerks. BUNTY = Bom+Aunty :)
I never used this..touchwood..my fiends did a lot.
Pleasant evening.
Regards
Debashis
Post a Comment
<< Home