Being (not so) Single

Have you imagined how is it to sleep with flowers constantly piercing your bum ? And how thorns in the flowers just make that bum more sore than it already is.....
That is exactly what being not single (married) teaches you and i learnt it on the first day (rather night) when my singledom ceased to exist.

I would really like to meet the person whose bright idea it was that beds of newly wed couples should be adorned with flowers and not just flowers ... its lot of flowers like flowers in long strands hanging from the roof, then flowers on the bed, flowers on the floor as one walks into the room ....The guy who thought all this must have been one jackass .... thank good they did not put any flowers in the attached loo

Before you fully understand my cribbing about the flowers , you need to have a bit of an understanding about north indian weddings .... They are long (when i say long i mean it) affairs lasting for 3-4 days and it involves like a million rituals. Apart from the rituals which range from bathing you in oil to getting beaten by a wooden stick , from your damn slippers being stolen to yellow stuff tainting ur palms. And to top it all up when the groom and the bride are involved in these rituals there are a zillion people who keep dancing, drinking and making merry around you. Till date i haven't understood what they are so happy about. I am sure they are just happy that its not them who is suffering and they sure do make it a point to celebrate it wildly with dancing n drinking

Besides the situation of the groom is even worse. He can see like an army of beautiful single girls around during the days of wedding function. Its like suddenly out of no where every single girl is beautiful and every beautiful girl is single. To him even the daughter of the home maid, the lady cook, the female vegetable seller all look like britney spears. He is constantly trying to cling on to his singledom but there is no backing away now.

The wedding night is unforgettable .... There is camera guy who is constantly on the move. He ensures that the oddest of moments are surely captured on video and still both. Few examples like slippers coming off while boarding the horse, groom and bride in mid air when the varmala is happening, the couple dozing off when the pandit is reciting mantras, groom and bride stealthily trying to hog food..... In addition to this the camera guy takes on the responsibility of capturing the initimate moments, poses and expressions of the couple right there on the stage .... I sincerly propose that shiv sainiks or censor board should take care of these camera guys, they want obscenity right there on the stage.... If its left to the camera guy i am sure he would want the couple to have the first night celebrated on the stage itself and captured on video
Fortunately we dodged the camera guy to the best of our availability

Having faced all these rituals bravely it all ends up with "vidaai" early morning with drooping eyes and then also its not easy .... The brides folks make it a point that they wont let you leave happily .... Crying n wailing in its full glory starts..... I told my mom in law if you are so unhappy why don't you keep your daughter here , i will regularly come to meet her ..... she did not like the idea so the bride was forcefully thrust into the car and sent away with me

And then at home again tiresome rituals for a whole day ... i was expecting that now the first night would be there but SURPRISE .... someone told that Saturday is not an auspicious day and also flower shops are out of stock so we have to wait till Sunday

Sunday the first night came and so did the flood of flowers in my room .... I was too tired after 4 days of rituals, dancing , talking and more rituals ... And the last thing i wanted were flowers n thorns on my bum as i slept but i realized that night this is how being (not so) single is .....


More to come .....